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Step Seven: Humility

In step six , I identified character defects such as one’s bad or destructive habits.

We learned these habits can not only be bad for us and our business, but also for those around us. By identifying bad or harmful habits, we learned they can keep us from having real success.

Listing defects — actually naming them — does psychological magic. It helps remove roadblocks and allows us to be ready to let destructive habits go. This requires help from our faith and trusted mentors. At the end of step six, we ask for all of these defects to be removed by utilizing a higher power.

Step seven is all about humility. By successfully completing steps one through six, a degree of humility has already been introduced. Actually, it is the basis of the entire 12-step process. Asking for help and utilizing a higher power while exploring and defining one’s defects are all acts of humility. One must be humble in order to maintain an even keel and remain committed to the process. One cannot be truly happy without some level of humility. “Humility” is a confusing word, and its meaning is often misunderstood. It is not synonymous with the word “humiliation.”

Humiliation means losing one’s dignity and self-respect, while humility means having a “modest opinion of one’s own importance.” Humility is the opposite of arrogance, assumption and personal pride. The arrogant know-it-all who thinks only of himself or herself is not a healthy business leader. On the other hand, humiliation can lead to humility. Inappropriate behavior and actions that you are ashamed of can lead to humility. Humility can serve us well, while egotistical thinking can get us in trouble.

Unfortunately, our society often encourages arrogance and celebrates those egocentric people who acquire vast wealth, power, popularity and material goods. Those same people who idolize the ones they’ve “anointed” are often the first to express glee when the very people they’ve told us to admire fall from grace, and their personal failings are uncovered. Once a person’s weaknesses are exposed, admirers admonish or demonize that person and move on to anoint another.

I’ll never forget when a friend of mine held a meeting to sell a real estate deal. Upon his return from the meeting, he described his presentation, stating he was really “on the mark” as the group of potential investors listened intently to his every word. He then said, “I was so good that I started to believe my own bullsh*t.”

Building up a false image of one’s self can lead to a number of psychological and relationship problems. Being real with yourself is key; it requires being humble and knowing you are a unique creation of nature, but not superior to other creations of your type and species.

We must always ask ourselves questions like, “When I’m starting my new business, do I really need a new, expensive company car? Is that practicing humility and fiscal responsibility? Do we need the office in the high-rent district, or will a nice facility in a modest location do just as well?” Locating to a high-rent district may be good for your ego, but it also tells customers that they are paying for the high rent when they buy from you.

“Do I listen to my employees’ ideas without completely dismissing them? Do I really know it all? How well do I know this business, and how can my employees contribute to its success?”

It is critical to hear out employees’ ideas and discuss reasons action could or could not be taken on those ideas. It’s just as important to listen to our customers and suppliers. It requires practicing humility, as do most thoughts and actions you will take during a business day or on the weekends with family.

Humility is not just a step to be taken and then forgotten. Rather, it is a lifelong process. Humility needs to be practiced on a daily basis. Today, I promise to take my own advice. Like many, I am still working on “that humility thing.”

Also published in BIC magazine.

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Step Six: Remove Character Defects

In my article on step five, I advised how to take a moral inventory of yourself and your business. That moral inventory was actually an exercise designed to lead us to the realization that our troubles are partly of our own making, thus removing the “blame game” from others or outside forces. It demonstrated that we are complicit in creating our own problems. That is something we all need to admit before going forward and turning our businesses around. Step five also asked us to share what we learned with a mentor, and that always requires a leap of faith. We must use our faith again in step six.

Step six requires us to let go of the moral failings and character defects we uncovered in step five. These character defects are huge handicaps to our lives and businesses. The list of defects may be long, or the list may boil down to one glaring item that disrupts our success in everything we do.

I have met many people with serious character defects during my 30 years in the downstream refining business — and I was one of them. I have since corrected some of my own defects, and I am still working on others. One of my most serious flaws was my ego. I thought I was better than others, that I could do their jobs better and was a hotshot at my job as well. How many people want to work with someone like that? This can be a huge negative in trying to pull a team together, and it can cause underlying resentment that undermines the effectiveness of the entire group. I was only fooling myself.

Ego and self-righteousness are destructive attitudes. They represent self-interests and are the opposite of self-confidence. They are also often accompanied by anger. How many chairs have you seen thrown across a trailer during a turnaround maintenance meeting? I’ve seen plenty. Intimidating others through anger is not the best way to get a cooperative response. Being overly ambitious is another flaw. Think about it: Isn’t being overly ambitious really a veiled form of greed?

Letting go of character flaws is not easy, and you may be tempted to say, “I can’t or won’t give this up. It’s who I am, and I will not change.” But an unwillingness to recognize our flaws and work on changing them stifles our thoughts and actions, and they will become roadblocks to success. Even though we may think we are going forward, in reality, we are not. The roadblocks (our flaws) will rear their ugly heads again and again.

It is helpful to ask a higher power to assist us, and that is a daily, sometimes hourly, task. But if you do so continually and recognize the instant you are becoming angry, egotistic and self-righteous, then you are on the road to freeing yourself of these demons.

While taking this step, one of my goals was to treat every person in my life exactly the same. I have not been able to achieve this goal. But the goal is not about achieving perfection. No human is perfect, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for perfection. Our goal is to remove roadblocks so we can work around our imperfections and achieve the ultimate goal, which is success.

Success comes in many forms. A successful business also comes in many forms. The one thing all businesses have in common is that they are made up of people who are motivated in one way or another to provide a product or service to others. These are products or services people want or need. A healthy business needs people with healthy attitudes. A healthy business needs a leader who is healthy as well. If we, as business leaders, are constantly striving to overcome pride, envy, greed and other defects in our personal and professional lives, then roadblocks will disappear, and the road to success will lie ahead. It is a road that will have occasional detours and a speed bump or two, but the results will be well worth the effort for us, our families and employees, and the customers we serve. You will be prepared to accept opportunity when it arises. While perfection remains elusive, success is very achievable.

Also published in BIC magazine.

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Step five: Let someone else know

In my article on step four, I advised how to take a moral inventory of yourself and your business. That step dealt with admitting inner truths to discover what is blocking you from your full potential and the full potential of your business. You and your business are “hand in glove.”

Step five goes further because it requires you to share this moral inventory with a trusted mentor. If you recall, the first step to “turnaround” your business is finding a trusted mentor.

This is not a negative exercise. It is quite the opposite, as it guides you to explore, in great detail, the strengths and weaknesses of your business and discover areas of improvement or possible new directions. This exercise helps reveal self-destructive behaviors. Yes, some businesses have created self-destructive or defeatist cultures.

The moral inventory should be in an easily understandable format and contain basic elements of who or what you are blaming for your personal or business failures. The “who” or “what” can be a person, place, thing or even an idea.

Before doing this exercise, I had a lot of absolutes in my mind, such as, “I absolutely won’t do business with certain people” or “We should absolutely go after this portion of the market and do it my way.” I confess now that was all wrong. I eventually saw that people doing things differently were gaining ground and becoming successful. I realized the positions I took were the wrong positions.

When assessing or owning the “cause” or “blame” behind problems, it usually involves a particular incident or moment like, “The banker wouldn’t give me the loan I needed, and that’s why my business suffered” or “Those clients did not pay and that’s the reason I’m in debt.” The list grows with the amount of time spent in business because, like the stock market, business is a “W.” This means it has its ups and downs; it is not a straight line from the bottom to the top. That’s why not everyone is cut out to start, own or manage a business.

One’s emotions related to the person, place, thing or idea should also be expressed on the list. The emotions are usually related to one of the following: self-esteem, pride, money, emotional security, ambitions or personal relationships. Each cause or incident should be categorized by selecting one of these emotions.

The last thing to do is complete the exercise by filling out the column that explores the question, “What was my part in this?” It is here that one comes to realize it isn’t always about who is to blame or what the cause of the problem is. The fact that you played a role in the problem can be quite revealing as well. For example, you might say, “I extended too much credit to the customer who failed to pay,” “I knew I shouldn’t have altered the terms of the deal” or “I thought I needed their business in order to succeed.” There can be any number of scenarios, but it is important we each explore our — or our company’s — role in the cause or incident and make changes accordingly.

Step five is probably the hardest step for turning your business around and keeping it on track, but this step is the most important because it takes insight and sharing. It involves owning up to your mistakes while also letting another person know about them. It all comes down to trust. Trust yourself enough to know and admit your mistakes (we all make them), and then trust someone else with that knowledge. If you choose the right mentor, that information will be used not as a weapon against you, but as a learning tool for yourself and your mentor.

It’s easy to seek the comfort of vic-timhood. Many do it all of their lives. Nothing is ever their fault. They had no role in the outcome. It was the authorities, their parents, the environment, friends, the government, the times, etc. But the freedom that can be found by taking personal responsibility for the decisions we make and the actions we take cannot be overstated — especially when it comes to finding success in life and business.

Also published in BIC magazine.

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